Marriage marriage marriage a prison we sentence ourselves to with open arms and blind our fears in smiles of i know s/he loves me on big days when we close one eye, pat our hearts ‘All Is Well’ as we scream out to the world ‘I Do’ and lock ourselves behind talk of ‘in sickness and laughter’ we shall always sail through like sailors of the Caribeans. So how do we know those we tieing ourselves to are really the one??????? That we are really much willing to forego our families….
‘thou shall leave his mother and father…….’
To lock our selves in years of eternal miseries with her…….unless you like kissing bumper to bumper which i dont encourage in these parts of the world. So how do you know they are the one coded in marriage material and these apply for the one playing shorter one in the relationship.
Her legs spread faster than rumours
See at the beginning of the relationship she plays hard to get but if she aint got road blocks to that better run for dear life. If she opening real quick for you what will happen to mr random neighbour when you slip away on a business trip……think about it….no nice. So if you rather be safe than sorry better run for dear life. Its worse if she drinks or smokes better than her dad but cooks worse than her dear mama bro better run for dear life before diarrhoea makes you do so.
Apps on phone are locked
See these stupid phones called smart but owned by stupid people. Everything is customised to the last swipe. So if she saved your miserable name as ATM and only hollas at you around the 28th of every month you aint safe bro. And if all her texts aint complements but end with question marks. Can you lend me some money?? Can i ask a favour from you!!??? then she is not the right to adopt your other name and rep you at funerals in the village.
Desires teddy bears to babies
She slips into sleep holding on one and thinks babies are born at the gift shop or supermarket then then she is not ready for marriage. And if shes pregnant she stocks more nappies than pampers means her baby count will likely be rivaled only to rabbits.
Gives direction in terms of bars and not street names
Forget the google bullsh*t to get her in bed you will need to talk her which God willing will lead to different stuff and probably the aisle. If she answers by identifying bars along the road run for dear life when directing you to a place around town better watch over shoulder. She good to hang with but not to suffer with for she wont hang around for unless it has an ‘over’ to it. Its worsened if all applications in her phone are pass worded even angry birds and photos. Her phone too got applications that order pizza at the local store unless of course you are planning on having tea and boiled rice for dinner.
Lastly her high heels are higher than her self esteem
Shes the type to carry bags that can carry a toyota vitz and in it are items like pangas and mathetes. Worry not she wont hurt you like Boko Harrsm but so dont annoy her either she dont like such rubbish for attitude is picky like a kid who likes to pick her nose. So fellas look out for these signs while you weigh whether she is the one.
Piece one love in you misery……………an off to the nearest bar see my roomie just directed me to the ATM opposite it.