morning mr/miss human resource manager
Am writing this as a letter of reply to your stupid letter notifying me of your rejection
*sobs, blows in a hankie*
I sat before that panel sweating like my name was Golola and my cologne under went a chemical Ali reaction George Bush would have been impressed.
I answered all the silly questions to the best of my knowledge or not……dont worry atleast i tried. I put on my best pastor bugembe large smile that shined brighter than my borrowed maks&spencer suit. My shoes pitch black like the back of my neck pointing to heaven see i always keep my self esteem higher than mauriguana abusers though am not one of those losers.
My CV was correct to the letter like a war heroes obituary in the daily news. In the corner of my transcript was that old picture i took back in school after one of my drunk escapades. I had the relevant experience see i always intern at mums kitchen table since the age of six months calculate that to date and am more experienced than Ceasars henchmen. My marks were tight like the teachers skimpy pants that always got the class going. I never missed class unless when i was sick with hungover or drank was always the case.
*blows in hankie*
The job advert asked for someone who is self driven and i fit thar bill. I dragged my sorry arse to that interview after fore going my cousins stag party aint that sacrifice large enough to warranty a job in your stupid firm. Self motivation i have bags of it not with the way i signed up to get tatoos and peircings sitting through villages of pain which i strongly beleive makes me eligible to work long hours into the night. My dress code is predominantely rockful so my hair goes places like rumours in a small village surburb. For you to dump me for my dressing was showcasing stupidity on your side. I am not my hair, didnt you listen to that song by
Indie Arie what i wear wont meet the goals and objectives of the firm never ever. You kick me out because of my tatoos but let the receptionist walk into with a skirt shorter than a midget. Let her paint her nails at her desk in between handing us our letters of disappointment.
ohh wait you hire gentlemen….*sniff* their cologne heavy like that is an excuse to cover for their laziness. That boss of yours is needed in court for swindling company funds but his hired because his a gentleman with kempt hair, no tattoos just a thick layer of vaseline, and no beards like his sponsored by gillet but his a thief and me i never stolen anything not even a pencil though if i borrowed one it never returned with an eraser.
I give to the poor like every day like on my way to the interview i gave some street beggar few coins though i picked extra more in terms of change and your damn glory boss mh *shrugs* he ensured that that corporate responsibilty was in his village…..aint that corruption. When he helps the poor he ensures he takes pictures with them and follows them up so they appear in the daily news front page which i find more of a marketing trick than helping the poor.
So human resource manager as you read this letterbetter hope you are typing that letter of recall to replace that rubbish you sent me earlier for i was not impressed.
waiting on it with short gun at hand,
digrantled would be employee