so today i woke up to news that the government has a plan to make every Ugandan earn 25m under the umbrella Uganda Vision 2040, that’s like 10000 dollars annually so expect every riff raff be making a good sum every year according to the latest government vision borrowed from somewhere i know. See our government is lie a girl, it moves this the trend at the time, if they hear anything from say Kenya they jump on the band wagon and sell it to us gullible citizens to which we swallow with utmost politeness I mean its bad manners to refuse something you are given free of charge. See Kizza Besigye has gotten full dose of tear gas and he looks pretty good his eyes show his satisfaction the things are bulging out of his eye sockets. So how best can the government fulfill on this promise to us as happy and very rich, well I have a few ways
With the impeding banning of the miniskirts times are definitely destined to be very hard in the future especially in the times to come. The night angels won’t be able to show case what their mama gave them, to hood wink their consummate buyers, the girls in the bars won’t be able to entice the lonely hyenas at the bar for free drinks and chis, siken and enkoko. Their rabba dumbs won’t be able to send umeme to our zone to make us their jail birds. but adversity is the mother of innovation and the certain Hard core Arabs have sampled us the way around so how about the ladies jump into their hijab and become suicide bombers like if she wants a drink from you all she does is threaten to pull the pin and you are releasing the dimes. do this in every bar at every hang out and you are in business and we as a country are close to meeting our vision i mean educate a girl educate a nation if they bringing the bread home the lazy men can go and sleep and women have become the main bread winners of the many homes in the country. The minsters negotiation of those big deals would also try the trick on the very many investors I see flooding our leading dailies, invest in Uganda or we blow out their brains.
well done sheik
Do you know how much and average Ugandan spends on drink every weekend…..quick math i don’t know. That’s minus what we spend on the random Nyaru babe you find at the counter popping min-skirts and flashes that delident toothpaste brushed mouth at you making your fingers reach for the waiter. now leave the drinks and do you know how much money we claim to have after taking a few sips of the bitter….1m, 50m, 100m whatever figure comes to our minds and we say it with emphasis on the ‘s’ in the word millions. now bring in the fact that after sipping a few drinks you tell the mountain to move and it moves by itself so if the government makes us a little more drank don’t be surprised if we over achieve the 25m a year vision and gun for 50m a year for with that Mr. Johnny walking anything is possible
So the police is taking their mission of serving the people to another level by arresting of drunks for drink walking, the miniskirts are next well someone once told me when the hunter started shooting without missing, the birds instead flew without patching hence so have the drunks in Uganda. We dodge the police by pulling off our own zombie walk, sometime speak in tongues, when we are arrested we jump into a trance and break into a chorus of our next big hit. How about if the government collected all the ‘talented criminals’ in the country, from a life of crime, organized the music industry enforced the patents and we could be earning billions exporting our talents to outside countries. PSY made a killing rhyming words that i have never even Googled what they mean, the Harlem shake is a dance i have failed to grip leg or head so with all this ready market, how about if the government enabled the average Ugandan, helped them step up to fill the void we could make way above the 25m predicted by the govt in their vision by minting money from Ads, record sells and all the music peripheral enough to beat the 25m predicted.
In the other life when am not jotting nonsense away on this blog i am busy scribbling down odds on a piece of paper hoping to win the next million, i am such a dedicated disciple of the Indians who own the betting house called SBA, I even spare a few minutes from my busy schedule of doing lots of nothing to sit on a computer in search of sure wins from ‘kafulus’ aka professionals in the UK and other outside countries to light the bulb on my dream. My only problem is my wins are as common as a soldier’s tear……..in short very rear. Funny i am not alone in this predicament i have every youth my age betting away even the corporate they do it on their smartphones for fear of seeing them lose on and not appear on the payment till on Monday morning. i have betted on everything from goats, chickens to even simple arguments on who has the cutest wife among our musician or Uganda’s longest serving president but i have held onto my losing streak, so if the government really wants that 25m a year vision then it better hire the jajjas, voodoo people to give us sure wins. They can organize a weekly press briefing where they give we addicted gamblers sure wins with the best odds so we can gamble our way to the millions. For example and odd of 3.44 on Manchester united if i bet 10000 am winning 34,400 Uganda shillings multiply that by the number of unemployed kids in my area you have a community soaring above the poverty line and in a month we are talking about close to 5m. Within a year we are way above the govt set target so i hope the govt implementers are reading this.
even tuition is not spared for better odds
The other day i heard that some our coffee had been rejected from the EU because of low value addition and an industry couldn’t be built because the Chinese are sad that we don’t produce enough of it to guarantee constant supply. Well before you blame us you have to know that even those stupid trees taka a million years to mature to the first harvest and we are not coded to be that patient or else by the time they grow, the vision may have changed to 2070. So why should we keep relying things that take donkey years to mature when we have manufactured stupidity coded and inbred in everything called Ugandan. like building in wetlands and later complaining of flooding when it rains, refusing to resign from a political party and later telling everyone how badly we are treated in that particular party, scrambling for tickets to show and later sitting back and complaining to the world how such and such an artist robbed us in plain day light. So instead of going about complaining g we should instead add value to this and it does not take a lot to do by the way. All you need is a certificate confirming you are from such and such a university and graduated with honors in stupidity passing it with flying colors. This could be exported to any country like Rwanda for starters for why should they be more organized than us yet our country is bigger than theirs…………….see how stupidity starts.
Funny when i was growing up and i asked anything from my mother like say a new shirt for Christmas. Mum would proudly promise to deliver it wrapped on the eve of Christmas with ice cream as accompaniment. So come Christmas day she would ask me to do her a favor like eat my supper plate clean before she would unveil the big surprise. Well in the meal the woman would place the appropriate dose of valium 5 and i would wake up on January 31 to which she would tell me well i brought the shirt and since you slept and refused to wake up i returned it to the shop for your school fees. Hence i would miss on my gift just like that sleepy heads get nothing was the lesson i learnt. So the government could borrow the same does from my clever mother, i know this 25m annually thing is a fallacy promised by govt to satisfy the many mouths of those agitating for action from the government which we know they can never ever meet. They have taken 27+ years to increase our GDP from 250 to 500 dollars so there is no way they will meet the 25m annual close. Hence as we go for our medication which we surely need then then the government doctors should be injection appropriate doses of this i our blood systems so that by the time we wake up it will be vision 2080 and vision 2040 will be no more but in the dustbins of history.
For starters Uganda has churches that have more pastors than congregation. These pastors are handpicked by ‘God himself’ and they perform miracles every Sunday from making the lame walk, to stealing other people’s husbands. They collect loads of offertory from their flock every Sunday during the million services and sermons they hold on that one day yet they don’t pay tax. Our pastors are in the ear of God every day praying for this sick country so when the govt comes out to prophesy that we shall earn 25m by 2040, you never know may be the pastors are already in the know and just tipped God about his next big plan for the country, besides our country’s motto is ‘For God and My Country ’ and miracles surely do happen who knew that when Idi Amin proclaimed himself life president he meant his successor Museveni was the man in question, who knew that Museveni after rubbishing leaders who over stay in power would be the man still leading this country after 27years and counting………….nobody so don’t doubt his latest vision for remember he has the mastered seed for a brain. The only man with the vision to govern this country I mean he even discovered oil both here in Uganda and Kenya for the past leaders had no eyes so they couldn’t see.