While some Ugandans are building the nation; others are stuck in traffic jams while the jobless pray for better days. But at a hidden ‘guesthouse’ in five parked cars look oddly out of place.Its occupants, in response to President rallying call for a working nation are sweating it out behind closed doors making love.
They may say love is free but making love costs an arm and a leg, especially if you are a man because getting a woman to that room for a five-minute romp is merely the culmination of a series of expenditures. She won’t give in till you wine and dine her even when the phrase ‘is love is free; is tattooed across your forehead. If you’re lucky, she could be a simple girl who won’t object to a meal at ‘a quite place’ where the man is sure not to bump into his wife wife’s other friend friends. This means it has to be in the outskirts of the city. A meal at such place will cost a few nickels plus food will be washed down with fresh juice or soda.
Many couples, however, feel shy about ducking into a hotel room while sober so the two will enjoy a few bottles of their favourite alcoholic beverage, hammering a further dent in the man’s wallet. Added to the cost of paying for a two-hour session at the hotel, the man will, therefore, throw in another dime for a few minutes of love making, assuming he doesn’t slip her some change for ‘bus fare’.
But the game changes when you don’t date a mere girl, but a ‘lady’. A lady doesn’t drink beer, my friend — she wines; she doesn’t eat out — she dines.
A cheap bottle of Chilean wine will cost don’t get me started on this number…..at a city restaurant. For starters, she will eat honey glazed onion rings with sweet Vidalia onions, deep fried in beer and butter and glazed with rosemary and honey (probably just onion soup).
For the main course, she will eat grilled pork tenderloin with steamed jasmine rice, red Thai curry glaze and coriander emulsion (simply pork and rice). By the time she is done dining and wining, the bill will be up your neck.
Of course, her image will suffer terribly if she is spotted entering some downtown humble self-contained rooms. So an out of town country inn it is where they charge prices up the sky per night, regardless of whether you are through with your business in ten minutes or hit the mattress snoring in your shoes.
She is also the type of woman that you won’t ask, “Which bus stage can I drop you at?” No! She was picked from her house in a cab, and she will go back to her house in a cab, for which, of course, you will fork out more legal tender to and fro.
Assuming you are a stingy man and give her no ‘bus fare’ for a job well done, the total bill will be stuck up your nose like flu probably and to make matter worse she won’t even turn up with a free condom in her purse and will still expect you to call her the next day!
It is no cheaper for the average Joe who must still buy half a kilo of roast meat in a dingy pub, ply his date with beer before vanishing into the ‘rooms’ behind the bar. And that is assuming she doesn’t turn up with three of her best friends who guzzle booze by the barrel.
Hence while our girlfriends have this afterglow that lasts days, we the men wake up the next morning in a foul mood; angry wife, a note from the headmaster about outstanding fees, a nastier one from the landlord, not to mention that the cooking gas has run out.
So Girls! That is why we won’t call or reply your texts — till the next pay check is around the corner.