Blind dating is for dummies

On the phone, her voice was woooo…..!! But her looks OMG!!
but how did i get into this predicament i had lied that i was a white man on vacation looking for some one to have fun and may be take her back with me to the US…..when we met it was…… dont get me started she poured meat soup on me trying to cut into a small piece of meat purpotedly it was hard but i swear it was her etiquette so bad.
I thought that was a one off and set up another blind date with another lady. We set to meet at Cafe Bravo. She was a tall lady with a huge stomach  fatter than her arse. In my dummy head i was looking forward to meeting someone medium sized. Worst of all her name was Agigabba Prudence literally meaning one who supplies the P….. and my D coiled in my drools. She capped my miserable night by vomiting all over me after insisting on some awkwardly named Chinese food. Misery loves company but i hated everything and i didnot pick her  calls again till the hobbit grows a smooth skin.
Hoping for third time lucky packed my hopes and went to meet another date at Nandos restaurant in Kampala. Lady was really dark skinned, big eyes, red lips and so short. I lost appetite soon as i saw her so i took only a soda but she bust the anger boat i was sailing on all through the date when i accidently poured her glass of wine and she exposed her arrogance by backing at me.  I immediately walked off deeply engrossed in monologues of Kony killing monkeys in Northern Uganda for it was a much better story and more engaging.
Lastly on my ill feted escapeds for a guy who joined the blind dating circus with nothing but love . Imagine going to meet a woman with the sweetest voice of them all, and all you find her a mature woman twice my age dressed as a nun. I cursed as the anti cougar hormones bloomed all over my skin like goose bumps.  I dozed all through her church conversation imagine….. i hear Beyonces should wear more clothes in her videos and show less skin……………really???? however when i poured tea on my table she was kind enough to help me out……..?????

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