So the dreaded Christmas is ghosting over our heads and everyone is on the move not shopping but packing their bag to head out f town most likely to the country side or the village. It’s a ritual during this time of the year for people to flee the city for the safety of the villages but what’s the reason for this trend and I think I just cracked the vault and here I present some reasons why many are fleeing to their villages.
First and foremost it’s to CATCH up WITH THEIR VILLAGE BELLES to repay for lost time. Love is blind and love with a village belle is more than blind. She doesn’t need a lot to flash you that smile and yet she is as faithful as the desert cold. She will love you in the hope you will always be her one and only unlike the city girls who are ready to hope onto the next one if your game slips. Their demands are church mouse cheap just a new tin of Vaseline, an afro comb to straighten that steel wire hard hair and the shoes it’s just floaters.
SHOW OF THEIR NEW CLOTHES, PHONES and any other gizmos. In the village many of those cool gadgets are always several months late so they never get chance to acquire when they are still the talk of the town. It’s at this point that our well travelled city dwellers will come show them of in the village and look like tourist attractions. The phones come with all the latest local music, the clothes especially on the girls are petit short and the shoes are small baby Jesus. The shirts on the boys are crispy clean and the with all the assurance words like ‘siidda Mukyalo’ meaning I aren’t coming back to the village.
Play in CHRISTMAS VILLAGE CUPS. Let’s face it the city has no open grounds for city dwellers to show off their skill and even though that space existed their rickety legs would not get them five minutes of play time. In the village they become dependables who will win the family free Christmas meat if they win the goat, bull or whatever is there in the offing for winning that soccer game. The village girls will scream their names like they are the newly discovered missing verse in the Sunday school hymn book which provides a wonder feeling for our city nomads as they will be treated as heroes who saved Christmas and not stole it.
JUST TO BE SEEN. The city is crowded with too many bodies annoyingly minding their own business that don’t even have a second to notice your existence but in the village all eyes will be on them and they will be the talk of the town carrying themselves around like celebrities equipped with all the fake accents we can master with all their movements under tight scrutiny of the village dwellers. They become consultants on life in the city; get to sit at the best seat in the village local brew bar and the women come cheap and so are the drugs if you naughty like moi.
VISIT GRAVE YARDS OF THOSE WE LOST DURING THE YEAR. I mean city people are always busy even when we are doing nothing at all. We can’t even have time for our families then surely how shall we get time for some guy who died and is going to hell straight hence Christmas comes in handy for us to pay our really late respects for the dead and pretend we even ever cared. A joke is told by grand mama of how she came to the city for a visit during the independence celebrations and during the inspection of the parade by the president aboard his military pajero grand ma thought the president was busy looking for packing for his vehicle amidst the sea of soldiers lined up on the field. That’s how busy we are.
OUR WARD ROBS ARE PRETTY SHALLOW AND CANT LAST THE LONG CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY. The Christmas holiday is seven long days and we are naturally expected to step out on each evening dressed to the ninnies in a new outfit something our ward robs can’t support. So instead of having a bounty of rumours across our heads as to how we repeat clothes we rather flee the city for the safety of the village where even the cloths we bought in January will look sparkling new.
DODGE PAYING DECEMBER RENT FEES. I know of a couple of people whose Christmas holiday start as early as late November and run through till early January. It’s not because we love thee village that much to give it a whole 30 days the simple reason is to dodge paying our December month rent. We won’t pay electricity bills and no water bills since no one is staying in house since we are safely tucked away in the village.
ACT CHEAP TOURISTS WITH OUR CAMERAS. It’s not often that the kids in the village get to pose for a free camera short the whole year because the villages usually have like one photo studio and to partake of its expenses it takes a whole years farm harvest. That’s when step up the city dwellers with their camera phones, cameras with share button functionality so pictures will be shared on line as soon as the camera shutter flicks. We go the village to photograph everything from kids with big stomachs, to well painted muddle and wattle huts to drank grand pas smiling in the camera with a few teeth missing. If CNN ever sees us they will know we give good competition
Those are the few I could pick and merry merry Christmas to you all don’t forget to take pictures of those kinky village scenes if you get the chance and share them I will be waiting here with my internet phone like a street beggar.