I rather stay in the city for Christmas celebrations

Finally the city is emptying for the first time in 12 months I will get chance to breath a good fresh air. I can move the roads with no one shoving me around as if my very existence does not matter at all and the taxis will be empty and carry us at half price yet this Christmas. Somebody asked me why I am not going given the fact that my family including the family cat were on the early morning bus off to the village and I think I know why;

FEAR OF CLIMBING TREES TO PICK MOBILE NETWORK ON MY PHONE. The village is really not into things of mobile connectivity even the mobile companies have not bother to spend a dime extending network connection to them thus am not ready to climb high rising trees to pick net work connectivity.

CHANCE TO HIT ON MY BEST FRIENDS GIRL. Seriously I wouldn’t wish for another man to hurt but my friends’ girl is a keeper and my only chance to hit on her and God wishing I could walk away with the goods. This because this dude left like late November and the girl is more lonely then the beetles sitting at number one. So thanks Christmas I am not going anywhere and squander this chance.

DON’T LIKE WHEN SOCIAL NETWORKS IDENTIFY MY VILLAGE LOCATION. See all my friends on all these social media envy me for having the coolest location on the map hence going to the village means shedding a few mile stones that I worked so hard to achieve and I am not letting that happen neither am I switching off my GPS on my phone.

SUFFERING FROM ACUTE #FOMO OF ALL THE CHRISTMAS SHOWS TAKING PLACE IN CITY. Just take one long glance at all the display posters hanging on the walls on all the streets, the adverts on the radio. I can’t bear the pain of sleeping in the village while my friends tweet about all the cool international artists that will be performing in the city while am away for the time they come back we may all be of old age and not relevant any more.

HavE SICK PLANS OF BREAKING INTO PEOPLE’S HOMES THIS CHRISTMAS. When does the easiest chance come around in the year when you get whole line of streets with homes locked up with no occupants at all. That only occurs on Christmas holiday when we could even have time to watch the game on our victim’s televisions before we carry them off safe and sound. My only wish is that there is no naughty kid playing out home alone 6 in Africa.

THE VILLAGE IS NATURALLY BACK WARD. What do I have common with the village occupants nothing apart from the fact that perhaps our great great ancestor once f*cked each other to make us blood relatives but apart from that nothing at all. We don’t speak the same accent, never hang out together at all and we don’t use the same slangs. We never at all so I don’t see a reason as to why we have to be forcefully be put at the same table just because some kid born in a manger thinks and deems it right.


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