So Kibaki finally threw in the towel after 49 years drinking the chai and eating the mandazi served in parliament. You know retirement especially in Africa is not for the faint hearted in Uganda that’s a one way ticket to have your pension stolen, former bosses don’t want to employ you since they look at you as old and wasted so Kibaki being human like you I have done my research and come up with career options he should undertake during his retirement.
He should take up CARPENTRY AND MASONRY work. For all you who don’t know Kibaki initially trained to be carpenter with a vision to provide furniture for schools but unfortunately for his good brains that dream has been shelved for 49 years. Instead of letting it waste away, old man Kibaki can embark on it since it’s never too late in Africa if you know what I mean. Besides he does not have to worry about selling it since he owns several businesses that deal in retail.
Become a MATATU CONDUCTOR. Kibaki did it once in his youthful days and I doubt if he can lose it now that he is 81 years old after all in Africa age is just a number for he used to work for Othaya Africa Bus Company back in the 50s. If he applies today he won’t be too late since his CV reads experience almost 40 year experience since 1950 like the bell lager beer logo besides he operated at the time when most of these boys were not even thought of being born by their parents. Only that he does not have to take trips to Eastlands not after screwing them that bad.
TEACH LUCY KIBAKI SOME MANNERS on how to behave in public. Now that Kibaki is retired I expect him to be invited for that odd peace talks meeting in a neighbouring country, he will be likely an ambassador for the United Nations and such high profile jobs need impeccable mannerisms from you and your family. Unfortunately for Kibaki, his wife is the opposite who likes throwing tantrums around and slapping people. So Kibaki best spend the next few years teaching your wife manners for she may slap God in heaven if he mistakenly calls her “Wambui” thus miss out in heaven and you don’t wanna be single in such a beautiful place unless you got other tricks under your sleeve.
COLLECT COPY RIGHT FEE FROM KENYAN MUSICIANS. If you have listened to Kenyan music especially the rappers who do genge or any other genre usually lines mentioning Kibaki are common and especially the name of his wife keeps popping up. Campu mulla has used it before, then there was Collo, P-Unit has had Lucy Kibaki punch lines. Hence if I was Kibaki this would be the best time to collect all the copy right fees from them since his name has earned them millions and it won’t hurt giving back a few shillings to the piper, don’t it.
He should join the burgeoning STAND UP COMEDY INDUSTRY in Kenya since he has a pack of jokes in the thick skull of his. His head shape alone with that gray hair on the side looks like a joke and his wife’s pissed look is complete icing on the cake. Kibaki jokes have supported the careers of many stand up comedians like Eric Omondi and others and now is the time for the man himself to take up the mantle and assume his place in the industry he is tailor made for. Only problem though for him is the fact that if his jokes can’t even make his own body guard whom he personally pays laugh or smile for instance, will he make the millions of UN appreciative Kenyans have a smile on their face???????
49 years can be a lot of wisdom accumulated and tonnes of files created during your tenure. So in his last few years on earth Kibaki can spend them WRITING LETTERS TO THE GECKOS, SPIDERS AND RATS THAT USED TO GIVE HIM COMPANY DURING HIS TENURE IN PARLIAMENT about how much he missed them. He can even write inside memos to the MPs on how to screw the government and not get caught thanks to great training from Arap Moi.
Finally LUCY KIBAKI CAN FINALLY GERRIT like every day till she dies. Good things come to those who wait and Lucy Kibaki is one hell of a woman and waiting on a man for 49 years to finally have time for you is no easy fete. So Kibaki should spend the last few years of his life humping and giving it to Lucy the best way he knows because that woman has been patient can you imagine even her look changed. She used to look pretty in 196_ but patience has waned away the pretty face off so she can now seek revenge in the bedroom. No more dildos and plastic Ds.