So today i woke up of talk that my dear president has not kissed his wife, yes our very beautiful First Lady in 39 years of marriage. That is almost four decades of doing nothing at all, i bet these two have ninja sex and the only style they know is old boy Missionary style but thats a story for another day. So asking myself why my president has taken up that culture and i think i know why!!!
He comes from a school of thought where kissing is taught and learned. Mr president comes from a school of revolutionaries where they apply what they were taught and nothing else. If mama didnt do it why the hell must the big man pick up such a disgusting habit.
Our president is a big time lover of porridge. Despite the fact he has gazillions of cattle, he just loves his thick syrup. He will do anything to maintain its respect, one of those is you dont kiss after sipping it just incase it has dried at the corners of his mouth or lips. He doesnot want such incidences to embarrass him, his title is His Excellence for crying out loud.
See our president is bald from back to front and loves to coat his forehead with a shiny coat of vaseline that reflects in the sun when he walks around the federation. To maintain this signature look, kissing which involves foreheads touching is forehead. Imagine him walking around with that one patch on his forehead not having the same shine that would be a public disgrace that tantamounts to a public yet our economy cant afford such luxuries.
Once told you our First Lady uses blades to cut her hair. Well lately ever since she became a full minister, he time is short hence she now using a pair of scissors to trim. And scissors come with a nuisance of dropping hairs round the neck, collar which is a total turn off of the president.
The First Lady is taller than the president. See their is a Runyakore saying that during hard times, even a man squats like a woman but this is something that the president wont allow. In this case him being short, he is meant to innovately meant to stand on a raised stool for that kiss but the president just refuses hence no kissing.
He is intimidated by the first lady. Usually you cant kiss someone you fear, every time you kiss her you fear making a mistake and thats the quagmire our president is in. This a lady who gets what ever she wants whenever she wants like having 8 trips in one month to Israel on government funding, firing Amelia from the presidents office, appointing her minister are all signs the president bends knee for this lady.
Lastly the president cant kiss the first lady because his heart belongs to his EX, Winnie Byanyima who is current wife to Museveni’s number one enemy Kizza Besigye. So unless he gets her image in his head, our president cant pull himself together to give Janet Museveni a passionate lovers kiss but waits for the comfort of their bedroom.