Real Reasons why President #Museveni actually visited Russia

Just read the news that our long serving president was on a state visit to mother Russia to discuss several issues with Vladimir Putin. But from my experience watching our president’s steps, the truth is veiled behind those well scripted PR statements but here is the truth;;

Our dear president visited Russia so as to pick all the cheap things in Russia since they, the Russians treat cheap things with disgust and throwing them away is taboo. Our dear president had gone to pick all the cheap military hard ware, clothes, out dated refinery technology and dump it on us Ugandans since we just love the cheap things. He packed the largest sized travelling bags to collect as much as his hands could get hold of so come Christmas we would be shopping for used AK-47s, clothes name them.

Our dear president had gone to enjoy the train service in Russia. The metro in Russia is the best in the whole world and ticket prices go for as low as 1dollar with trains arriving every 1.5minutes hence instead of the president dying before enjoying such services since the one in Uganda is broken really bad, he jumped onto a plane to enjoy them in Russia. He has failed to fix the train service in Uganda but that does not stop him from enjoying the same service in another country and his elbows are built to do the pushing just ask what happened to Besigye during elections.

He had heard the Russians had organised a party since they are pretty generous people hence our president had big plans of gate crushing the big do for free food, vodka and to ogle at the sumptuously built Russian women instead of spending countless hours in state house seeing them on television back here in Uganda.

He wanted to check out his next fuel guzzler he was going to be buying after that armoured presidential Benz he got for cool 1.3million dollars before Independence Day. This time emphasis was on the horn because in Russia it’s not about driving an elite car or fancy one but the one that hoots loudest so everybody can notice it and move out of its way. Our president was not about to be left behind from this party not after we complaining and whistling in his ear when he drives by.

He wanted to escape to Obama land UN noticed since he had heard that Russia is just 4kms from the USA border to the west. Hence going to Russia meant the USA intelligence would think he is camping in Russia yet he is on a small boat crossing the sea into the USA where he could get straight answers from Obama on why he is against Uganda setting up the anti gay bill or Obama is gay hence fighting for his kind. Just saying not sure any way.

Am told airport security found brand new razor blades in his bags and his explanation was that he wanted to help cut Vladimir Putin’s hair. See our first lady has her hair trimmed by the president himself and banking on this experience he wanted to take the same expertise to Russia to partake on the windfall of Christmas dollars that he would use to quench the thirst of very many Ugandans. See our first lady has that Amber Rose look that the president loves too much and so does Vladimir Putin

Lastly the president wanted to attend Russia Day that falls on 12/December ever year. See these presidents in Africa have a tendency of attending every function in another country and if they are not invited they invite themselves and Museveni on seeing that he has attended every so called ‘revolutionary assembly’ in Africa it was time to move to outside countries and its Russia he was to break the ice from.

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