Rumours are swirling about the world ending on December 21. Some kind of apocalypse taken straight off your block buster hollywood. The weak hearted are already preparing for the apocalypse, the Russians for starters are getting Apocalypse packages that have a bit of vodka in them. So i come up with a few things Ugandans will need to do before and during the Apocalypse, when world ends ugandan style.
We are in love with the two letter activity MAKE UP. Our girls wear it to bed, to funerals, birthdays, parties and any place we believe we shall be seen. Whether its badly done with the cheapest of ingredients we careless. We shall literally paint our faces in the hope that God will notice us much faster out of the crowd. Its even much easier God will simply be on the look out for those with light skinned faces but dark feet and legs.
Now the Russians might claim a hand on this but dont Ugandans for granted. We the range rovers of BEER taking one word guzzlers. We are not selective like the Russians who take only Vodka, in Uganda we take all kinds of beer be it cheap, expired, rear, home made or in the latest video. Just the smell of beer in the area code is a huge turn on even though our power is always off.
Kampala, the name of our capital city has seven letters representing each day for PARTY. We throw parties for anything be it be it funeral, Obama election win in Uganda even for times when we are not paid we literally throw a party and invite over the same bosses who have not paid us. To us the Apocalypse will be a chance to throw another huge party since its a good party if you wake up remembering narra. Whether your destination is hell or heaven who gives a as long as you party.
In Uganda we are in love with a good TWITTER trend, no wonder new catch line is not gifted by nature as it used to be but GIFTED BY MONDAY when we have a mass of trending topics to throw our ignorance on to so the Apocalypse better not come on Monday. Those on facebook will be there facebooking instead of repenting of their sins.
We have an economic activity called corruption so on Apocalypse to buy our way into heaven their is a chance we will steal office stuff, tea bags or any remaining funds that have not yet been siphoned out of office. We steal regardless of whether the fumds we meant to buy the whole country into heaven or not. All we want is to accumulate material things to satisfy our itchy fingers.
We like food, i mean we ard the pearl and our food comes in all shaper and sizes. Come apocalypse, we shall be double dealing plates of food instead of repenting since rumour has it that their is not a gaurantee of good food in heaven like we got in Uganda.
Abuse the president. I mean in heaven we will spend more time praising God and our president will finally be mortal. Yet we just love to hurl abuse at the old man and we cant let the last minute chance to insult him. He who laughs last laughs best any way.
Ugandans just love to COMPLAIN on anything whether. We shall complain why the Apocalypse is happening, why it took long to happen, why the transition to Apocalypse has been rough un comfortable. We will complain per se with no alternatives that we are giving by the way. Just complaining even on the alternatives.