joke of the class

Recently moving my eyes lazily like the evening sun the silly eye balls flirted with a blurry image of a figure they swore they had ever seen. Off course I was not on one of those drunken night outs that I manage to pull off Michael Jackson’s moon walk or caress the waiters boobs imagining they are lilies falling off a meadow. It was an image of a fella from way back. He was a fellow shit mate who taught me how to fuck up and not get caught. In my year book he stands out as case mate because every time he had a date with the principle, it was not about him spanking her but checking tick in the dialogue box in the black confirming that he is nearing his exit and I was always there loyal as a virgin braids maid in the same pot with him.

Our best course unit in school was adding Bs in opera voice to everything the teacher said or dared to. We were so good at it that the teacher would never know what had hit him until this fateful day when at the height of our rhythmic Bs the teacher silenced the class and guess who was caught on candid camera doing the disrupting the class. It my sorry arse dancing to the music like a pornstar who just realised its Sunday. There I stood my lips trembling like a crack addict sweating pouring down my brow like my body was the new map of Africa with the river Nile drawn across my eyes.

The breeze sweeping past me simply laid ground for the teachers piercing of my guilt. Her words groaning round like a rat lost in a horror movie and looking around me all I saw were bodies with no compassion in their eye. Their giggles tickling me like ex-lovers crocodile tears over the word sorry. The teacher bellowed under his breath behind his grin displaying my meek self like a trophy prize.

‘so you the fools stuck singing Bs in my class’ so pack up your books and come sit near the black board where the chalk can paint your face like those whites you trying to be’

Normally it is at this stage of the movie that my partners in crime try to confuse the teacher with all sorts of pranks. But like all thieves this looked like it was my unlucky day. None of them was moving a muscle their eyes cold as stone staring at the black board like Virgin Mary statues in church.

At last I saw my crime mate shake a body but to my dismay he was indulging the teacher to poke fun at me. That day we were studying solving for X, and on the board it was inscribed X+Y=5, find X and guess who was playing X for this dumb show. I of all people the bad guy was the one being kicked up and about like a soccer ball. The show was even given a second episode when the teacher put up the next question. If it takes 2 men 4 hours to clear the grass what will it take 5 men to do the same work?

Every one hand in class rose up straight like dicks on Viagra and the teacher sang a silly do re me before choosing dude with four eyes whom I had sworn to eat out their intestines with chop sticks.

The silly kid rose up magnificently and started reciting a lullaby, if it takes 2 men to cut the grass then the other 2 men to collect the grass then our dear friend near the black board will do us an honour and burn the grass since he has nothing to do…………………………….sending the class in chest thumping bursts of laughter. It’s on that day that I and my friend went separate ways till today.


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